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Creating domestic abuse awareness
It was a sunny morning late in the school year, and everyone’s minds were elsewhere in State High teacher Kim-Li Kimel’s sociology class.
But that was the goal. In their imaginations, the students had been transported to a college dorm — and an abusive relationship.
The students were participating in a domestic violence simulation written by one of their peers, graduating senior Sarah Paterno, for the Centre County Women’s Resource Center. As an independent project, Paterno worked with Kimel and CCWRC staff to rewrite an old simulation called the “Stay or Go Exercise” and make it more relevant to a younger audience, changing the victim from a married woman with children to a college sophomore.
“For high school students today, it’s not very relatable,” Paterno said of the 1993 simulation. “It’s not even close for us to understand. And we figured the most important part to the simulation is its relatability.”
Paterno also omitted gender pronouns so that the simulation — which teaches about domestic violence warning signs by presenting a series of scenarios that unfold based on choices — can be more inclusive.
“The lack of gender pronouns makes the version more applicable to any student and any relationship,” she said.
Her inspiration came from taking Kimel’s Advanced Placement Psychology class as a junior. At the end of the year, Kimel had the class start to update the simulation, with half taking a high school version and half going through a college-level one.
When Paterno wanted a learning enrichment project for this year, she talked to Kimel.
“I initially came up with a literature review, or some sort of psychology thing, because I really enjoyed her class and I thought it would be interesting to continue that in some way,” Paterno said. “Then she had the idea to continue the work on the simulation.”
For the revised simulation’s debut, CCWRC staff members Jordan Gibby and Ruth Williamson visited three of Kimel’s classes. To set the stage, the educators talked about unhealthy relationships and patterns of coercive behavior that can escalate to physical violence, including verbal and psychological abuse, intimidation, isolation, economic control, stalking and emotional manipulation.
In addition, they outlined a cycle of violence that often traps domestic violence victims — rising tension, an explosion and then a “honeymoon” with apologies, promises and a temporary harmony leading to the next cycle.
Then came the simulation.
Gibby first explained to the students that they were to imagine themselves as a 20-year-old college student with a part-time job in a budding romantic relationship. Around the room were different “places,” such as a friend’s dorm room, a bar, the school library and home, where the students could move to escape an increasingly controlling and abusive partner.
“The point of this is to help you understand the patterns that go along with dating violence, the different types — physical, psychological, emotional — and to make some choices based on what you think would be reasonable,” Gibby said.
Some stations required paying a green or yellow slip, representing the financial and wellness costs, respectively, of making that choice.
Under the first scenario, the participant and a close friend begin an exclusive relationship. One night, the participant has a paper due and, feeling stressed, cancels a date. The partner texts wanting to come over and help but becomes upset when the offer is declined. Multiple pleading texts follow.
“You ignore your phone for a bit, trying to start your paper, but your partner then calls you,” Gibby told the room. “They demand to know where you are and who you’re with. You try to calm them down by restating you’re alone in your dorm. Your partner starts yelling, saying they’re going to show up at your dorm. Freaked out, you hang up.”
This led to the first choice of staying in the dorm or going somewhere else. Those staying put faced another scenario: the partner showing up to apologize with flowers, only to become agitated and violent when barging in for a night together didn’t work.
Another scenario awaited those who shifted to the library.
“You spend the majority of the night writing your paper, and you sit in a spot where you can see the entrance, worried your partner might show up,” Gibby said. “You manage to finish the paper. However, you know it’s not your best work. You don’t sleep much and this causes you to be extremely tired and distracted the next day at work and in class. You also didn’t get to shower and groom yourself so you feel self-conscious. This costs you one wellness slip.”
Three more rounds, each portraying tougher and costlier situations, followed as the relationship worsened.
Afterward, Gibby praised Paterno for developing a lasting community resource.
“We’re just so happy that she took that responsibility on to think about: How can I make this more applicable to my peers, to the next chapter of life they’re moving into, so they can look at college and think about the choices they would make and have an idea of the difficulties they could face and also the ways they could seek safety,” he said.
Williamson said the “collaboration was really great for us to be a part of it.”
“Not only for us but for Sarah too,” Williamson said. “She interviewed individuals who experienced this in college. She talked to real people who have experienced all kinds, the whole spectrum of unhealthy relationships. It’s often very confusing for those of us who have been in relationships to see that something is not OK. To be able to see that in a space together can really create openings for people to begin to create awareness, maybe to open up a place where they can talk to a friend who’s experiencing something. Maybe with a resource, something can change.”
After months of work, Paterno was glad to see her simulation finally in action and know it might help people recognize and end abusive relationships.
“It’s supposed to function as a template for people to be able to apply at any point, for their own relationships and friendships, but also if they see their friends might be having that situation,” she said. “They can do that more easily if they’re able to see that it could happen to anyone.”